When the Parenting Roles Reverse: Parenting your Parents with Respect and Dignity

It's inevitable, we age, and there comes a time for all of us lucky enough to have our parents with us into their later years, when the parenting roles reverse.

The parents who have taken care of you and watched over your shoulder as you grew and matured are now relying on you to help them meet their needs.

For your parents, depending on you is a lesson in humility and can bring a range of emotions they may not have expected such as guilt, frustration or even depression or embarrassment.

Transitioning into the role of primary caregiver for your parents in need of parenting is no less difficult for you. Having to make decisions that affect their life, independence and care makes many a son and daughter feel uncomfortable and doubtful as to whether or not they've made the right choices.

Help yourself help your elderly loved ones:

Base Decisions on Respect and Dignity

Respect who your parents are and their wishes of how they would like to live out their life as best you can. They may have a living will or have spoken with you before. Use this to guide you when and if they are unable to express their preferences themselves, as seen in those with Alzheimer's disease.

Don't Leave Difficult Decisions Too Late 

Communication is they key to understanding your parent's situation, feelings, needs and wants. Don't leave difficult but necessary conversations too late, such as 'what would you want to happen when you can no longer bathe by yourself?'
Learn about the preferences your parents have and take note.

Clarify Expectations

Being the primary caregiver in a family can often be a willing burden. You want to help, you feel expected to help, but it takes more than one. If your siblings or involved relatives expect you to care for Mom or Dad, clarify how they expect to contribute. They can help with finances, do the shopping, organize the home care schedules or give you respite breaks when needed.

Don't Neglect Yourself 

How many times have they told you the story about what happened to them at the grocery store? Often people with dementia will repeat stories, sometimes word for word, without remembering they've already told you. They may ask you the same questions over and over again, too.

Share in Their Life 

Spend quality time with your parents and don't dwell on their mortality. Make memories together that will last and fuel you during the more difficult times.

Educate Yourself 

Medical treatment, surgery and rehabilitation options are changing and you need to be the moderator of you and your parent's healthcare. Be informed about any health concerns, join support groups and meet with professionals.  

Plan Ahead for Homecare 

Speak to a professional Care Coordinator at Premier Homecare Services to learn how your parent's independence can be supported with respect and dignity through the compassionate care of our caregivers.

By: Cindy Stead, Private Home Care Expert at AgeComfort.org Health Care Resource Centre

Photo Credit: Raul Lieberwirth